


Waking Up Alone

by larrycocaine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Louis, Coming Out, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, I promise it will get happy, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Short & Sweet, Top Harry, eleanor is just a friend, we like eleanor in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22474012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrycocaine/pseuds/larrycocaine
Summary: "Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love"Love shouldn't hurt, loving somebody with everything you have shouldn't make you feel like you're dying. Louis feels like he’s drowning. He should have known where this was going from the start, he should have been prepared. Now he’s waking up in an empty bed, some days he doesn’t want to even wake up again. There's a hole in his heart; it's in the shape of Harry. Nothing he does can fill it. Drugs, alcohol, pouring out his heart into songs that Harry probably won't ever hear. When Louis is with him, he feels like he’s in heaven. Being alone, that's what he feels he deserves, at least Harry can be happier without him.Maybe if they met at a different time, under different circumstances, he could have saved them. Louis had to do what was best for Harry, but it kills him a little everyday. Louis sees his smile everyday, but he knows it's no longer for him. Someone else makes Harry happier, but Louis wanted it to be him. They could have had forever. Louis would have given Harry everything."Forget what I said, it's not what I meant" Harry had tried to say, but Louis knew that wasn't the truth. After everything they’ve been through, Louis still loves him.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 67





	1. Already Out The Door

**Author's Note:**

> I got this story idea from the Walls + Falling mashup on youtube. It was made/posted by softoreos on there. I'm almost 22, I'm married, and I've recently started watching Larry videos on youtube again. They are so hard to watch because I just know that pain that they went through. It's plain as day that they were together. But I also respect the boys and wouldn't force them together. This is a fan fic, almost the whole story will be created by me, I may add in some stuff the boys have actually done, but for the most part it's just my imagination.

Maybe one day we can have our lives back. I miss home.

"I always said that I'd mess up eventually  
I told you that  
So what did you expect from me? To call?  
It shouldn't come as no surprise anymore  
I know you said that you'd give me another chance  
But you and I knew the truth of it in advance  
Mentally, you were already out the door."

It’s been a few years since they’ve been together, and each new day destroys Louis even more. It was only supposed to be a short break, for the band and for him and Harry. Louis wanted him to be happy, but when they were together they were miserable. They had the weight of the world on their shoulders, they made mistakes, they hurt each other. There was so much anger that kept building up and finally it broke them. Louis loved him so much that it tore them apart. They could blame whoever they wanted, but they both had a part in it, they both agreed to it: to this life. Harry was sixteen, Louis was eighteen. They were too young for that amount of pressure. There have been so many lies told that they couldn’t even remember the truth anymore. Louis is not fine anymore. 

Today may be one of the hardest days for Louis. He’s got to get ready for his tour, HIS tour… without Harry. He could write so many songs about him, he could try and be with so many people, but nothing will fix the hole that was left when he walked away.

He finally pulls himself out of his thoughts, it’s 5:30 am and he has a day full of interviews, album prep and practice for his tour that starts in a few days. A busy day helps with keeping him out of my thoughts. 

He throws on a pair of ripped black jeans, a black sweater, and vans. He brushes his teeth and fixes his hair, trying to be presentable. He feels like no matter how hard he tries, he will always look a little rough, but at least no one sees what he looks like when he crawls out of bed with puffy eyes. 

Before he heads downstairs, he paints a smile on his face. He tries not to let his pain show, he already has family and friends worrying about him so he has to fake being happy for them. As he walks down his marble staircase, he shakes his head and hands, trying to shake the sadness out. 

As he nears the bottom steps he smells the freshly brewed coffee awaiting him. “Good morning Eleanor,” he smiles slightly, taking his spot on a stool at the kitchen island. 

“Morning Lou, didn’t sleep well?” She said a little sadly, watching him take a small sip of his morning coffee. Tea was never the same without Harry here, so coffee it was for Louis. He nods, glad he has a good friend in her. Sure, when she was first hired he didn’t want to be friends with her, but over the years they’d become close. The world thinks they’re together, but Eleanor is just doing her job. 

Eleanor is a sweet girl, it could have been worse, but she understands that she could never replace Harry. A lot of fans hate her, they think she is keeping him and Harry apart, but in reality, she’s the one keeping Louis together. Louis wishes he could be with Harry publicly, but he can’t. Harry doesn’t even want to be with him privately anymore. 

“So, are you coming with me to my interviews or just meeting me at the studio later?” Louis asks nicely, not exactly sure what Eleanor’s plans are for the day. 

“I figured I’d just show up around lunch time. I can stop and get us lunch on my way.” They had to be papped going somewhere today, to keep up the image. It was good for her to come to the studio, that would help with his new songs, the label could pretend they were for her. She knows who they are about, they don’t really say his name though. It hurts too much.

“Sounds like a plan, want to grab something easy? Maybe Indian?” 

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll see you later, okay? Try and have a good couple interviews, smile maybe?” She asks softly, she was never one to push, but she knows how much of a disaster Louis’ interviews have been lately. 

Louis says his goodbyes and heads out to the garage, hopping in his car. It’s nothing special, just a black range rover. All the boys had one, it was something all five of them bought together. 

It takes about 25 minutes to get to where he needs to be. His security team meets him there, walking him through the small crowd that’s waiting. He promises them that he’ll stop and take pictures on his way out. Hanging with fans would make him feel a little happier than the interviews would. The crowds he deals with now aren’t as crazy as when they were still together as a band. He’s not complaining though, he likes the feeling of not being overwhelmed everywhere he goes.

The first few interviews go normally, if not kinda boring. The third interview though, has been a little hard. 

“So Louis, I heard that Harry is in town for a few days, do you guys have any plans to meet up?” The lady asks. Louis can’t just tell her no, that would seem rude and odd. 

“Ah yeah, I heard he was going to be around. We might be able to meet up one night, not too sure about his schedule though” Louis says smiling, trying to cover up the pain in his eyes. If he saw Harry in person, he doesn’t know what he could even say to him. What do you say to someone you’ve hurt? 

“It’s been awhile since the world has seen you two together, I can bet that you miss your friend” There’s that word, friend. He hates that word. 

“He’s one of my best mates. Been one of them since I was 18. It’s still a little weird to all of us being on break. I used to hang out with the boys all day everyday, now we have to work around our schedules.” No one could say Louis hadn’t paid attention during media training. He had always known how to deflect certain questions, especially ones about Harry. 

The interview continues for another 20 minutes and Louis’ having trouble pretending to be peppy and happy. As soon as the interview is done, he thanks the interviewer and leaves. 

He steps into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face. He takes a moment to collect his thoughts and pushes the tears away. He can’t walk out there crying, he’s got fans to meet. He takes a deep breath before turning around and heading out to take some pictures, chat, and sign random stuff. 

Once Louis is outside he sees a girl wearing a shirt with him and Harry on it. The shirt says, “two hearts in one home.” Louis’ home is wherever Harry is, but he’s not welcome anymore. He gives the girl a smile and takes a photo with her. He can’t stop himself from commenting on the shirt, “he always said how stubborn I was.” 

Louis thought it was very obvious that the song was about him. Harry always told him how stubborn he was; they argued all the time. When Sweet Creature first came out, Louis couldn’t stop listening to it. He didn’t want to believe the song was about him because that hurt too much. Louis misses him so much, but he can’t seem to stop fucking up and hurting Harry. 

~~~~

Eleanor arrives at the studio around one in the afternoon. Louis knows she’s seen what’s trending on twitter and that she’s been asked by fans about it already. 

“Look El, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have said it,” Louis sighs. He knows she’s not mad at him, but she also knows how management gets when he says shit like that. “I just… I don’t know. He’s in town for a few days. You know I…” Louis doesn’t even know what he’s trying to say but she just nods, she gets him that well by now. 

“Why don’t you try and see him?” She suggests in an encouraging voice. 

Louis just rolls his eyes at that. “How do you think that’s going to go?” He retorts. 

They sit in comfortable silence as he tries working on songs. However, they’re both distracted trying to figure out a way for him to see Harry without them getting in trouble. 

“Took some time  
‘Cause I’ve run out of energy  
Playing someone  
I’ve heard I’m supposed to be  
Honestly, I don’t have to choose anymore  
But it’s been ages, different stages  
Come so far from Princess Park  
I’ll always need ya”

Louis sings out quietly while working on his song Habit. El was the one who convinced him to get his pain out on paper. He can’t keep a journal or anything like that, but writing songs about Harry has the same effect. 

Eleanor gives Louis a knowing look when she sees the tears in his eyes. He barely sees her taking her phone out. Knowing her, he assumes she’s probably texting Harry to let him know that Louis needs to see him before he gets bad again. She knows that each time he writes a new song about Harry, he gets back on the drunk train; partying all the time and covering his pain with drugs and alcohol.


	2. We're Not Who We Used To Be

"We're not who we used to be  
We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me  
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat"

Today was a long day filled with travelling, Harry just got back from LA and all he wants to do is go home. He doesn’t want to be around anyone right now, he just wants to go home. But home isn’t a place anymore, it’s a person that he knows he can’t get back. 

As he steps off my jet, he feels the pain he’d been trying to hide. He’s back in London. It’s always bittersweet when he comes back.

He knows he’ll be able to see his friends and family, but he also knows he’ll be so close to Louis without being able to actually see him. No matter what Harry does, he can’t get over Louis. It was his first proper relationship and his first love. They have so many memories together, but it’s always been hard for them. They were so happy behind the scenes, he wishes they could get back there one day. 

“Haz? Mate, you ready?” He was pulled out of his thoughts by his best buddy, Niall. Niall has always rooted for Louis and him, he was almost as heartbroken as Harry was when it ended.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, you know how it is,” Harry wipes a tear as they walk to the car. 

“You sure you’re up to go out in a couple hours?” Niall asks with concern. 

Harry knows he doesn’t have to go to this appearance, but it will take his mind off of things. “We can go for a couple hours, have a few drinks and then leave.” He responds.

“Alright mate,” Niall says in return, “do you want to call him this time? See if he wants to come? I can call the other guys too.”

Niall does it everytime, but Harry thinks maybe he should call for once. Would it even be a good idea to see Louis? Even after all this time, he doesn't know the answer. Would it just make him hurt more? Would Louis even want to see him? 

He runs his fingers through his hair, letting out a shaky breath as he tries to talk himself out telling Niall to call. “You know what, call them,” He hopes this isn’t a terrible idea. He knows when he sees Louis, everything will come back, all the feelings he’s tried so hard to work through over the last few years. “Maybe this is just what I need, maybe we can talk,” No matter what went down, a piece of him will always be holding onto the idea that they can fix it.

“I think it’s what you both need. You both are too stubborn for your own good, you know that right?” Niall chuckles, “You guys can’t take back what’s been said, but there’s a chance you two can finally sit down and talk.” 

Niall’s right; they are both really stubborn, everyone around them had noticed.

~~~

They’ve had this club appearance booked for a few months and even if all Harry wants to do is hang out at home, he knows it’s good for him to be around people. Niall and him are the first to arrive, but Zayn and Liam would be there soon. Tonight is just a normal walk in, no special carpet for pictures or anything. All the club needs them to do is be there for their grand reopening. Some pictures would be taken throughout the night for their social media accounts. 

The music is loud and the place is packed. Even though it’s only 10pm there are so many people drunk dirty dancing already. Niall and Harry are in a booth in the back of the club. It’s a little bit away from the dancefloor, so they can actually hear what’s being said to each other. 

“Did he say he’d come?” Harry asks Niall hopefully. He didn’t have the guts to message Louis himself, he didn’t want to deal with rejection firsthand. 

“He should have been here already,” Harry gets in response. 

No sooner than Niall says that, Harry’s eyes land on the man that will always have his heart. He doesn’t think his heart can beat any faster than it is at that moment. He swears he can see the sparkle in Louis’ blue eyes from across the club. He has a drink in hand, bright smile on his face as he chats with her. Harry knows it isn’t fair to hate Eleanor, she’s never done anything wrong, she’s just doing what she’s paid to do. 

“Hey guys,” Louis says as they both make their way over to the booth. 

“Long time no see!” Niall says, moving out of the spot beside Harry in order to greet Louis. 

“It’s been too long, it’s nice to finally see you guys again,” Louis says and then directs his gaze towards Harry. “Hey Haz,” Louis says with a softer voice. Harry could feel his heart skip a beat as Louis took a seat to his left where Niall was originally sitting. 

This is it, Louis thinks to himself. He wasn’t going to come, but Eleanor talked him into it. She told him that it could be a good chance to reconnect with Harry, and Louis knew he needed to see him. 

Most of the night is a blur of loud music and laughter. It’s great catching up with the guys, it feels good being around his friends. Eleanor had to leave early, or at least that’s what she said. Louis knew she was just giving him an excuse so he could chat with Harry without her. It’s always been very obvious that Harry loathes her. He’s always blamed her for their breakup. It’s not like anything ever happened between Louis and El. Harry knew it was all set up to throw off the Larry rumours, but he didn’t seem to care. 

“Hey, do you want to get out of here?” Louis asks Harry quietly. Even though they’re sitting right beside each other, they’ve barely met each other's eyes the whole night, and man does Louis miss those beautiful green eyes. 

“S-sure,” Harry stutters in response, “where do you want to go?” His eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

He’s always so cute when he’s confused or stutters, Louis thinks, actually he’s cute no matter what. 

“Want to head back to my place?” Louis questions. You mean our place, his brain says. It’s true, he still lives in the house he and Harry had lived in together. He just couldn’t bring himself to sell it. 

Harry nods and if Louis didn’t know him as well as he does, he wouldn’t have been able to see the slight flicker of sadness across his face. 

You’re stupid, Louis thinks, you shouldn’t have asked to go home. Anywhere else would have been better. He tries to stop thinking as he gets up and makes his way towards the back exit, Harry following right behind him. 

Louis’ car is parked in the VIP parking lot. This exit isn’t visible to the public, and it’s dark enough out that no one would see them both get into his car. The drive to his house is a quiet one with just the low hum of the radio to break the deafening silence. 

“So you still live here?” Harry asks as they pull up to the gate, “why didn’t you sell it? I know you weren’t the biggest fan of this place when we bought it.” 

It’s true; Louis honestly thought the place was ugly and way too big, but Harry had fallen in love with it the moment they saw it. Louis would have done anything to get him this place. This was their happy place; this was their home. So many memories were made here, but there were also so many fights. These walls had seen so much heartache and pain. 

“Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to sell it,” He answers simply, shrugging his shoulders as the garage door shuts, hopping out of the car. “Come on now, I’m sure we both have a lot of things to say. Or at least I do,” He says the last part a little quieter. 

The room right off the garage is the living room, and not much has been done to it since Harry left. The only difference is the mantle, it’s now home to only half of the original awards that were once displayed on there. ‘Make yourself at home,’ Louis feels like saying, but decides it’s probably best if he doesn’t. 

“Soooo….” Louis starts, fiddling with his thumbs when he gets comfortable on the couch, “Umm… how are things?” He says, not making eye contact. Just having Harry in their house again is making it hard not to cry. 

“I mean, considering everything, I guess things are good. Busy, but it's still good.” Harry says as he makes himself comfortable on the other side of the couch. “How have things been with you and Eleanor?” 

Of course he wants to know, he’s always hated her, she was one of the causes of their fights. “Things have been pretty good, I’ve been working on some music. El’s been there for me, but you know she’s only been a friend. I still don’t understand how you can be mad at her, she’s just doing her job.” She’s never been more than just a friend. 

“I should have been the one there for you. But you never stood up for us,” Harry replied. Louis knows Harry didn’t mean it to come out as harshly as it did, but it still felt like a jab at his heart.

“I did what needed to be done for both of us,” Louis responds, “I tried to fix things,I tried really hard but there’s only so much I could have done and you know this. Do you think it didn’t hurt me too? We had no control over this situation, but we both signed the contracts. We both had an idea of what we were getting ourselves into.” He runs his hand over his face as the words come out, “Don’t you think it was hard on me being the one to have to deny everything? I had to put on a happy face when I was going on these ‘dates’ with her when I just wanted to be home with you. It killed me when I’d come home to your tear stained face. Don’t you think I’ve been punished enough for trying to protect you?” I huff out. 

“You didn’t have to protect me Lou.”

“Of course I did. You are… you were my world. I didn’t even care if the fans weren’t happy about us together, I just needed you to be safe. Being in the spotlight isn’t the nicest. I didn’t care about money, or fame. The moment we met in that bathroom, I knew I needed you to be mine.” And here come the tears. Louis leans over and grabs a few tissues for Harry. 

“I would have taken it Lou, I would have taken all the shit if you would have let me. I would have left the band if that meant we could have stayed together. You, Niall and Liam could have made a great group without me. I would have given up everything, but you wouldn’t let me and I think that’s what hurts the most. We’re not who we used to be. I’m not a child that needs to be protected from the big bad world.” Harry says, trying to hold in his tears, but the pain is tangible in his voice. 

Louis wants to wrap him up in his arms, kiss away the tears, and tell him everything is going to be okay. But he can’t. Harry’s not his anymore. 

“I wasn’t going to let you ruin your career when we were at our peak. I wasn’t going to be the one responsible for possibly ruining your future. This band was our whole life. I couldn’t let you throw that chance away. You’ve dreamed about this your whole life. It would have actually killed you if I let you just walk away from the band.” 

“I would have been fine leaving the band. All I wanted was to be with you. Leaving you behind killed me, but you just kept pushing and pushing and we broke. It killed me to leave, but it was just so toxic Lou, we kept fighting over the same shit. But I’d give anything to go back in time. I’d give anything to be back here, back where we’re both happy” Harry says, finally looking Louis in the eye, “I just wanted to be here with you, even if it actually kills me, I just want to be here with you. But you don’t see how much everything actually destroyed me and I don’t know if I could live through that again. I wish we could have just been happy.”

“We're not who we used to be  
We don't see what we used to see  
We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty  
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I didn't edit/proofread this chapter. I was just too excited to upload it. Thank you guys for checking this fic out. I got over 125 hits and I just posted this story the other night. I was so excited that I wrote this as quickly as I could! I take constructive criticism, so please let me know how you feel about this story! I know I've put a lot of lyrics for songs in these two chapters, not all chapters will have them, but I just love finding Larry lyrics. I'll upload the next chapter when I get between 250-300 hits! If you want a chapter sooner than that, just comment below. Your wish is my command. If you have anything you want in this fic, feel free to ask! Hell I can make one direction get back together in this fic if you ask nicely.  
> -A x


	3. I Was Happiest When I Was With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut
> 
> Also thank you Liv for helping me edit the last 3 chapters for me and writing the smut! You went off and I love it  
> Give her a follow:  
> [Liv's AO3 Link](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RBBLivvy/pseuds/RBBLivvy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just say this chapter gets a little heated.

“Letting go of someone you love is the rarest and truest form of love itself. To stay together needs attachment and understanding. But to stay apart no matter how hard it is and wish for their happiness needs love.”

“We were too young Harry, we didn’t know better,” Louis and Harry have been pouring their hearts out to each other for the past few hours. It’s currently four in the morning and they’re now sitting in the kitchen where they used to have most of their heart to hearts. “It’s been two years, I wish we could have seen how good we had it together. There was so much pressure on both of us and on the band. We had to be perfect, we had to do what we had to do, Haz.”

Green eyes meet blue. “I wasn’t too young to know how much I loved you. Everyone could see it.” This conversation is what Louis has been waiting for, he didn’t know if they’d ever get here.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Louis says as he leans over the table to brush his thumb against Harry’s cheek, “But I had to let you go so you could be happy.”

“But Lou, don’t you get it? I was happiest when I was with you,” Harry manages to choke out, “I just wanted you to fight for me; for us. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have left me behind.” 

Tears start welling up in Louis’ eyes as Harry speaks. Louis feels the shattered pieces of his heart puncturing his chest with those words as Harry continues, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have stayed with her when I needed you most. If you loved me, you would have been here, in our home, together, when I needed you because that’s what boyfriends are supposed to do.” 

And wow, that hurts, but Harry just keeps going. “You wouldn’t stand up for us! You wouldn’t tell them to fuck off and that you didn’t want to be in LA with her while I was at home all alone struggling to breathe. You wouldn’t be with the bitch that ruined our relationship! You would be here with me while my brain was telling me I’m better off not breathing.” 

Louis sucks in a harsh breath, and rubs at his red eyes. “I did fight for you, I promise I did. I did as much as I could, but legally my hands were tied.” Louis moves to stand up from the kitchen table, “I even hired a lawyer. We looked through the contracts we signed, but there was literally nothing more I could have done, love, I’m so sorry.”

“What’s the worst thing that could have happened if we broke some stupid contract?” Harry asks, voice barely above a whisper, as he stands up as well. His green eyes are rimmed with red due to his tears; Louis can see how heartbroken he still is over this. 

All Louis wants to do is wrap him up in his arms, kiss the side of his head, and promise everything will be okay, but Harry’s not his anymore. Louis can’t just comfort him like that now. 

“Haz, if we broke the contracts, we would have both been kicked out of the band. I couldn’t let that happen to you. This band was your whole life, you’ve wanted this forever.” 

“Louis, you were my whole life. And don’t you see how well I’m doing solo? I would have been fine with being kicked out of the band. The fans would have understood, they would have supported us no matter what and you know that. I just wanted to be able to be with you without having to hide who I am.”

“Well I’m glad you’re doing fine by yourself Mr. Big Shot,” Louis says, rolling his eyes. It comes out a bit more bitter than intended, but fuck it, Harry’s the one saying Louis left him because he didn’t care, but Louis loved him too much to have left him behind. He never meant to hurt Harry. He only did what he did to try and save Harry’s career. It was the hardest decision of his life, he thought he made the right choice, but apparently not. 

“I thought you were supposed to be apologizing to me, not starting a fight.” Harry says, his voice sounding defeated.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t be starting a fight if you weren't being such a bitch about it and let me explain myself.” Louis says, starting to get heated. Both him and Harry have always been stubborn, and when they were still together, they fought all the time because of it. Because neither of them could accept when they were in the wrong. And apparently, Louis is supposed to apologize for trying to save Harry’s career. 

“Well, how about you start explaining why you chose Eleanor over me. We were supposed to get married and you acted like you wanted to be with her instead of me.” 

Louis clenches his jaw in anger, surprised that Harry would go that far. “First off,” Louis defends, “Eleanor gets paid to be with me!” 

“Oh like a whore?” Harry spits back. 

Louis takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Harry has always known what buttons to press to get Louis riled up. “I’m just going to ignore that last comment.” He says in a clipped voice.

“Yeah just ignore me again, you apparently love to do that!” Harry replies, his voice rising in volume.

That’s when Louis snaps. Without even thinking about it, he pushes Harry up against the wall. He may be taller, but Louis’ always had more muscle. “Try saying that again, love” Louis says darkly, his eyes dulling down to a grey colour. 

“What?” Harry whispers against Louis’ ear in a seductive tone, “That you love to ignore me? Isn’t that what you did when you changed your phone number on me?”

“I never changed my phone number, I just didn’t respond to you.” Louis’ voice comes out shaky, arousal flooding his body.

“So you admit to ignoring me then?” Harry smirks, his dimples popping out. In that moment, with Harry pinned to the kitchen wall, Louis realizes what exactly Harry just did. 

Louis smiles smugly and leans up on his toes, harshly biting Harry’s earlobe. Harry emits a low whimper. The noise only encourages Louis, “You like getting me all pissed off, don’t you, baby? It always turned you on when I would snap.”

Harry gets impatient and bucks his hips against Louis chasing whatever contact he can get. Louis responds by shoving Harry impossibly further against the wall, their bodies flush against each other. Harry lets out a loud moan, he never was able to keep quiet.

“You always liked to call El a whore or a bitch to set me off,” Louis continues as his mouth makes its way down Harry’s neck, leaving fresh bruises along the way, “but maybe you’re just a whore yourself.”

In a second, Harry gains the upper hand and flips Louis against the wall. It’s always been a give and take between them, constantly fighting for control. But Louis couldn’t care less at this moment as he feels Harry’s hand grab his ass, the other hand pinning Louis’ wrists to the wall. Louis is helpless to stop the whine that escapes his lips. 

“If this is what you wanted then why did you start a fight?” Louis asks breathlessly as Harry presses his lips roughly against Louis’. Louis melts into the kiss, unable to do anything but give in. 

“Because I always loved setting you off like the firecracker you are,” Harry chuckled before connecting their lips again, this time Harry licked at Louis’ bottom lip, biting down as Louis trembled under his touch. Louis finally parted his lips, allowing Harry to slip his tongue into his mouth.

Harry releases his hand from Louis’ wrist and Louis’ arms instantly wrap around Harry’s neck. Harry grips onto Louis’ ass tighter, this time with both hands, as Louis moans lowly in response to the added contact. 

Harry mumbles an incoherent warning before picking Louis up, the older boy wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist. Harry carries Louis up the stairs, their lips never parting until they get to the bedroom they used to share. “I guess things never really changed around here, did they?” 

Louis hates to think about it but Harry is right. The bedroom is still set up the exact same way it was when he lived there. Harry’s side hasn’t been slept in since they broke up. 

Louis’ train of thought is thankfully interrupted when Harry not-so-elegantly places Louis on the bed. Before Louis can even think about how much less empty the room feels with him in it, Harry climbs on top of Louis, making his way up to press heated kisses to Louis’ lips. Louis starts to get impatient and grinds up against Harry before Harry grabs his legs and hikes them around his waist. 

“I’m going to make sure that tomorrow you won’t be able to ignore what I’ve done to you.” Harry says and then bites down hard on Louis’ collar bone, another moan erupting out of Louis’ lips. Harry can feel just how much it affects Louis and it turns Harry on even more. 

Harry smirks, loving the effect he has on Louis without even having touched him yet. He grinds down on Louis and the older boy stifles a moan.

“Baby, let it out, you know how much I love to hear you,” Harry encourages him by peppering rough kisses up and down Louis’ neck. The kisses are mostly teeth, but it’s exactly what Louis wants if the drawn out whimper is anything to go by. “That’s it baby, let go, I’ll take care of you.”

“Fucking touch me already Harry, please!” Louis practically shouts impatiently. He ruts his hips against Harry, chasing some kind of friction. 

Normally Harry would tease Louis more, but it had been so long since they’d been in bed together that Harry was just as impatient. 

“What do you want baby,” Harry whispers seductively, fingers reaching under the hem of Louis’ shirt. His fingers graze against the coarse hair on Louis’ stomach, causing a shiver to ripple through the blue-eyed boy's body. 

“I want you naked Haz,” Louis whines, desperate for any and every touch Harry is giving him, “and I need you to touch me, I need you to use me, like I’m yours still.” 

At this, Harry lets out his own whine, “You are still mine, baby. You always have been,” he reassures, nipping possessively at Louis’ throat before pushing off him to make quick work at taking his clothes off. He grabs at the base of Louis’ shirt and quickly pulls it over Louis’ head, not wasting any time before his mouth roams over Louis’ chest and stops just above his nipple. Harry gives a quick smirk to Louis before he sinks down, sucking as he feels Louis squirm under him. 

“Is there a reason my pants are still on, love?” Louis breathes out, small whimpers escaping his mouth as he tries to speak. 

“You know better than to rush me princess.” Harry chastises, teasing Louis even more by biting down. Louis gasps as his hips involuntarily snap up to meet Harry’s. 

“Are you gonna punish me?” Louis counters, after catching his breath enough to be able to speak. 

Suddenly Harry is off of him again but before Louis has time to protest, Harry is pulling Louis further down the bed and ripping his own shirt off. Louis is helpless to do anything but hungrily stare at Harry’s defined abs and beautifully inked skin. Harry smirks and lowers himself back over Louis. Louis greedily grabs at Harry, pulling him back into a hungry kiss. 

“I just might have to punish you extra to make up for the past two years.” Harry roughly shoves his tongue into Louis’ mouth, swallowing the moan threatening to escape the older boy’s lips. 

After an antagonizing few minutes, Harry finally reaches for the waistband of Louis’ sweatpants. He teases Louis by dipping his fingers further down until he discovers something that makes him even more turned on if it were even possible. “You’re wearing panties, fuck Lou, are you trying to kill me?”

He didn’t even wait for a response from Louis before pulling his pants off faster than he ever had before. Harry could do nothing but stare in amazement at the sight in front of him. Louis was sprawled out on his, no their bed in a pair of white lace panties, his hard cock obvious through the thin material. It was definitely a sight for sore eyes and Harry knew he was done for.

“Quit staring and fucking do something!” Louis yells out impatiently. He has half a mind to just touch himself while Harry gets a fucking grip on reality. Harry isn’t too keen on that, as he smacks Louis’ hand away before he can even properly get a hold of himself. 

“What did I say about rushing me sweetheart?” Harry raises his eyebrow intimidatingly as he pins Louis’ hand to the mattress. Louis just gulps, his eyes growing impossibly darker.

“Either punish me or don’t, but stop teasing me. Fuck Haz, I want you so bad.” Louis was growing increasingly restless. 

“You want me to fuck you princess? You’re gonna be sore for days by the time I’m done with you,” Harry threatens as he lets go of Louis’ wrist, “turn around.” 

Louis did as he was told, turning around so he’s on his hands and knees on the mattress, ass on full display. Harry now stands at the foot of the bed behind Louis, admiring the view. He’s missed the sight of Louis’ tanned ass in those god forsaken lace panties. 

“Oh my god, Harry touch me, please, do something baby. I need you,” Louis mutters, pleading words falling off his tongue like a prayer. 

“You still need to be punished Lou, I think you deserve a spanking for the way you talked back to me.” Harry replies, shoving Louis forward so his face is flush against the mattress, his ass even more on display now. The moan Louis emits is loud, but it’s nothing compared to the cry he lets out as Harry’s hand slaps his ass, causing a red mark to appear instantly. 

“God, yes baby! Again, that felt so good,” Louis practically begs, sticking his ass farther out to give Harry more access. Harry happily obliges, slapping his ass again, this time with both hands. Louis lets out an ungodly whine and it would encourage Harry to keep going, but his own erection was becoming uncomfortable in his jeans and he wants nothing more than to just fuck Louis into the mattress right now. 

Harry climbs up on the bed so he’s draped over Louis’ back. He starts peppering kisses along his spine, “You’re being so good for me princess. I love it when you make those noises, I wanna fuck you so bad.” Harry all but moans out against the shell of Louis’ ear. 

“Have at it then, I’m all yours.” 

That’s all the encouragement Harry needs before he’s moving back to the foot of the bed, ripping Louis’ panties off by his teeth and freeing himself from the confines of his jeans. 

With Louis finally completely naked in front of him, Harry moves to the bedside table and fishes around for the lube he knows is kept there. After finding what he’s looking for he walks back to Louis and puts his knee between Louis’ legs, knocking them further apart. When Louis settles into his new position, Harry squirts some lube on his hands, warming the liquid between his fingers before teasing at Louis’ entrance. Louis sucks in a huge breath at the contact.

“Ready babe?” Harry questions, but he already knows the answer. He sees Louis furiously nod, unable to even form words. Then he presses his finger in until he’s up to the first knuckle. The catch in Louis’ breath is music to his ears.


	4. You’re Free To Be Who You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A single moment of misunderstanding is so poisonous, that it makes us forget the hundred lovable moments spent together within a minute.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't re-read the last 3 chapters that were edited, please do so before you read this one. <3 -Abi

Harry was woken up by a loud, annoying voice saying “wake up LouLou!” before the blankets are ripped from his face. His eyes shot open as the voice let out a screech “Harry? What are you doing here?”. Harry sees Eleanor with her hand up to her chest, eyes wide. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He deflected the question back to her, sitting up in bed with the blankets pulled up to his chest. 

They hear the door to the bathroom open and Louis comes walking out, dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Oh hey El, did we have to go out today?” Louis is walking with a small limp and maybe right now is an inappropriate time for Harry to be smirking at that but he does anyway. “Yeah I’ve been trying to call, we have a brunch date planned.”

“What the fuck do you mean you have a brunch date planned? How the hell did you even get in here?” Harry asks, confused and annoyed as he looked between Louis and Eleanor. She raises her hand, showing off her keys. “I do have a key for the house” she said, rolling her eyes, “I didn’t know he was here” she said, taking her eyes off of Harry. 

“Well we kinda made up last night, I think” Louis smiled widely, turning to get dressed, not even bothered by the fact that Eleanor was still in the room. “What do you mean, I think?” Harry asks with a pointed look, eyebrow raised, “I mean, you’re struggling to walk, so I think we made up.” Louis just gives the other boy a dirty look, but cracking a small smile a second later. 

“I’ll explain everything to you later El.” Louis said to Eleanor as he pulled a pair of jeans on, “and Harry, I’ll have to explain this date later. We have to have another talk later anyway.”

“You can’t just leave me in your bed while you go out on a date.” Harry huffs, crossing his arms, “we literally just slept together and you’re going to go play happy home with her?”. ‘See this is one of the ways she ruined our relationship in the first place.’ he thinks to himself.

“Haz, I promise you, we’ll have a talk when we get back, but I really have to get going.” Louis sighed, walking over and pressing a kiss to the curly lad’s forehead. “It will be an hour or two tops, I’ll be back as soon as I can”.

Harry grumbled a bit more, giving Eleanor another dirty look. Eleanor tried not to take it personally, knowing that Louis probably never fully explained things to the curly haired boy.

Before Louis left, he placed a soft kiss to Harry’s lips. “I’ll be back soon, Haz, I promise.”.

Harry spent the next two and a half hours pouting around the house. It still felt weird to him being alone in the home he used to share with Louis. Not much has been changed around here besides the fresh coat of paint. Louis had left the house the way it was, the only thing missing was all of Harry’s personal belongings. 

If Harry was to be honest, the house seemed like it lacked the feeling of a home. It felt a little cold look wise. 

Harry’s fingers were dragging across the spines of the old books in the library on the main floor. This room looked like no one had been in it in a few years. This room was always Harry’s favourite. It was spacious and had a beautiful fireplace. The shelves that were built into the walls were still filled with all sorts of books. 

Whenever they were home on break from touring, Harry was always curled up in front of the fire with a book in his hands.

Sometimes he found himself reading romance novels, other times he was reading horror, or even autobiographies. He would blindly grab a book off of the shelf and start reading it. 

Harry ended up on the floor in front of the fire, a book in his hands while he read through it. He didn’t hear Louis walk in, until he was right in front of him.

“I never thought I’d find you in here again, nose deep in a fantasy world” The older boy smiled, sitting down beside Harry, “I missed this, you know? I never came in here, it always made me sad knowing I wouldn’t find you here again.”.

“I missed this place, it was always my getaway from life. This was where I was able to take a break and be in peace” the younger boy smiled slightly, closing the book softly.

“I didn’t touch anything in here, I left it the same for you.” Louis was just wasting time, knowing they had to have an actual conversation, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment.

He placed his head on Harry’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “I know we need to have a talk, but can we just sit here for a bit? The sound of the crackling fire and the turning of pages is all I want right now. I just want to be here in your happy place.”

“Yeah, we can stay here for a bit, do you want me to read to you like I used to?” 

Harry always loved reading to Louis, knowing no matter what book he chose, Louis would always listen intently to every word he said.

“Yes please. What are you reading today, hun?” he asked softly, peering down at the book in Harry’s lap, “I don’t think I’ve heard this one before”.

“Hmm, I’m not sure if you have. You were never really into reading, huh?” 

“Why read when I can have your soothing voice do it for me?” Louis retorted.

They spent the next couple hours in that position, Louis' head resting on Harry’s shoulder as he read about some couple learning how to love again. How fitting it seemed for them.

“Do you think we could have ever been that happy?” Louis asked quietly when Harry paused at the end of the chapter. “Honestly, I don’t know. There were too many things that made it hard on us. We couldn’t be our true selves, Lou. There were too many rules for our love, too many conditions. Love should be just that, pure, raw love.”

“You know I never wanted you to go, right?” The blue eyed boy asked, “I would have done anything to keep you here with me, where you belong. And that’s what I thought I was doing.”

“But you loved her, Lou. I don’t think you even realized it, but I saw the way you looked at her” Harry responded sadly.

Louis picked his head up, turning to look at Harry. “Haz, hun, I never loved her. We never did anything besides kiss for the cameras. What you saw in the magazines and online were fake. Everything was faked to protect you. If it wasn’t me ‘dating’ El, it would have been you with another model. I tried to keep you from having to hide yourself.”.

“But they said you loved her” he said with a frown, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. 

“Who said that?” Louis looked genuinely confused. 

“Management. They showed me pictures that some fans took backstage at one of our shows, you two were all cuddled up and kissing” the younger boy looked back up to Louis with a heartbroken expression. 

“Those were staged, Haz. I was told those pictures were supposed to be ‘leaked’ on twitter. They were taken right before FOUR was going to be released.” Louis explained, “Liam was the one who took the pictures for us. She even left right after they were taken.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I was going to tell you but they ended up deciding not to post them, they ended up having us do a pap walk instead. I honestly forgot about those pictures until just now”.

Louis felt sick to his stomach. It was one thing for management to manipulate them into staying quiet about their relationship, but it was another thing to lie to Harry about photos to push them apart. 

“Hazza, I swear Eleanor is nothing more than a friend. She’s the one who has been keeping me updated on you. She was the one to get me out of bed after you left. All I wanted to do was drink my nights away and then sleep the day away. She kept me sane because she promised me you’d come back one day. She was never the bad guy Haz, she is paid to keep up my ‘straight’ image and that’s it.”.

“Why didn’t you try talking to me again when I left?” Harry now had tears running down his cheeks quietly.

“I knew you had your mind made up about how things went down and that no matter what I had to say, you wouldn’t listen. I know you Haz, and I know that’s exactly how things would go down.” Louis huffed lowly, “but you’re happy now. You’re free to be who you want. You are wearing makeup, wearing the clothes that make you feel good in your own skin. You’re doing everything you’ve been wanting to do and the world is so proud of you for it. I’m so proud of you for it.”


	5. They Don't Know About Us

“Are you sure you are ready to do this Haz? We can wait and do it another time. We can sit and think this through. What if it ruins your career? You’ve been doing so well. You’re selling out tours on your own. This might ruin that for you and I’d hate to be the reason why you throw your career away.” Louis was concerned, knowing how hard Harry has worked on his brand since the band went on a hiatus.

“Louis, I’d give up everything for you, I’m not losing you again” Harry repeated for the fifth time that evening, “I don’t care about the consequences. I’d give up the fame, the money, everything to keep you. I want the world to know how happy I am with you. I want them to know you have my heart.”

“I love you so much, but I just want you to be 100% sure about this. Once we do this, we can’t take it back. It will be out there for the whole world to know.” Louis explained. “That’s exactly what I want to happen, I want to scream it from the roof for everyone to know.” Harry was being persistent, not wanting Louis to talk him out of this.

Louis felt anxious, more so than ever before. “Are you sure you want to do this? Are you ready for what could come about because of this?”.

“We could have nothing, all I want is you. I’m ready.” he smiled widely at the blue-eyed man, “I’m more ready than ever. And hey, it’ll be like the good old days, I promise.”.

“If they’re really your fans, they’ll support you no matter what” Eleanor piped up from behind their makeshift camera setup. 

“I guess we’re ready to do this” Louis breathed out in an attempt to calm his nerves, “the whole story, we’re going to tell everything.” he nodded to himself.

Harry placed a calming hand on Louis’ knee to stop the bouncing, “it’s going to be okay. No matter what happens, no one will tear us apart. We have the support from our family and friends, we’ve got this.”.

“Yeah, yeah we’ve got this. Okay.” Louis adjusted himself before hitting the button for the live feed. ‘Just like the good old days’ Louis says to himself.

It only took a couple moments for their viewer count to hit the thousands, causing Louis to take in a deep breath.

Harry was the one to break the silence. “Hey guys, Louis and I need to have a talk with you. No bullshit, just the truth for once.”.

“We should have done this years ago, but it’s better late than never.” Louis added with a smile.

“As many of you know, Louis has been on and off with Eleanor for almost 10 years… Well that was never a real relationship.” Harry explained, “But don’t hate on her. She was just doing her job to ‘protect’ us or however management tried to frame it.”.

“Harry and I’s story goes further back than our time on the X Factor. It started back when we were both in our little bands back in school. We met at the battle of the bands. At this time I was starting to question my sexuality, but I wasn’t out. I thought maybe I was just confused.” Louis said, grabbing Harry’s hand and squeezing it, “I guess you could say Harry was my reason to believe I wasn’t completely straight.” he chuckled out.

“We ended up making out that day” Harry laughed, “so I’m pretty sure he was sure about not being completely straight. Neither one of us feel like we need to label ourselves though and that’s fine. Love is love, right?”

“Right” Louis nodded before continuing, “we hit it off right away. I ended up asking him for his number and I was very lucky to get it. We kinda texted back and forth but nothing really came of it because I wasn’t ready to come out yet.”.

“Then we met for a second time. We were both actually on a family holiday, and ended up being in the same place at the same time. We didn’t actually notice each other until a few years ago when we saw online that I was in the back of some of his photos from that trip” Harry added.

“Then there was the third meeting. We both ended up going to the same concert. I didn’t know he was there until he texted me that night saying he brought me back a shirt from that concert for me and I had responded saying something like ‘Oh my god, I was there too and I picked you up a bracelet’. That summer we ended up hanging out a bit and we got closer. Summer ‘09 was a great summer and I’ll never forget all of the memories we made.”

“After summer we kind of stopped talking for some reason, I guess we both just got busy with the new school year or something. I’m not really sure what happened.” Harry shrugged. “Then we both auditioned for the x factor. We met up in the bathroom which was weird. And yes I did accidentally pee on him, don’t ask how it happened because I honestly have no idea. But yes there was pee involved. Before we left the bathroom to get ready for our auditions, I mentioned something about how cold it was and Lou offered me his cardigan.”.

“You always look so cute in my clothes” Louis smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Then we both did our auditions and we got through. Everything was going great until bootcamp. We really thought we were about to go home. I remember watching Harry crying and it broke my heart. All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything would be okay. But we ended up getting called back up. I thought Simon was going to tear into us and say we have no talent or something. I was worried because I know my audition wasn’t my best, and I didn’t want that added heartache.”.

“When Simon said he wanted us to be in a group together, the five of us got so excited. This was our chance to do what we’ve always dreamed of. Louis was so excited he jumped into my arms, I couldn’t believe our luck. It was like we were destined to be together. Fate kept pushing us into the same place at the right time for a reason.”

“The five of us were as close as could be, but it was always different with Harry. I kept feeling this pull.” Louis said, “we ended up moving into a place together and that was just the start of our relationship. It was never easy for us. We didn’t have a lot of control of our lives. We had to be the perfect boy band and 2/5 members of the band dating each other wouldn’t help sell albums or tickets. So that’s where Eleanor came in. It was hard to try and keep our lies straight, but we tried. I thought it was the only way we’d make it. I had 4 other people’s careers in my hands, I wasn’t allowed to think about myself and my feelings.”

“I never knew everything Louis was actually going through with Eleanor. I had Louis in one ear telling me the truth while management was in my other ear filling my head with lies. That ended up putting a huge strain on our relationship. We broke up a couple times and it hurt so badly. It sucked seeing him everyday and knowing he wasn’t mine anymore.”

“I would have done anything for Harry. I did what I thought needed to be done to make sure he had a successful career and was happy. I didn’t realize that all I was doing was hurting him. If I could turn back time, I would. But I’m so proud of him, he became such a strong man. He wears what makes him happy, he’s doing his own thing and I couldn’t be more in love with him.”.

“Maybe things would have turned out different. Maybe we would be married with kids by now, but all we can do is see where the future takes us. We’re probably going to have issues with modest! But we are no longer under their contract, so we’ll just have to see what happens.” Harry slipped his fingers in between Louis’.

“You guys have always been right. There was way too much proof that couldn’t be written off as coincidence. I know we had to keep this a secret for so long, but I hope you can understand why and forgive us. Thank you for supporting us, and we hope you continue to do so. This isn’t the end of us. Love won’t tear us apart.” Louis said before placing a soft kiss to Harry’s lips. “I love you so much Haz” “I love you too Louis, forever.”.

People say we shouldn’t be together  
Too young to know about forever  
But I say they don’t know  
What they talk talk talking about  
(Talk talk talking about)  
'Cause this love is only getting stronger  
So I don’t wanna wait any longer  
I just wanna tell the world that you're mine girl,  
Oh

They don’t know about the things we do  
They don’t know about the I love you’s  
But I bet you if they only knew  
They would just be jealous of us  
They don’t know about the up all nights  
They don’t know I've waited all my life  
Just to find a love that feels this right  
Baby they don’t know about, they don’t know about us

Just one touch and I was a believer  
Every kiss it gets a little sweeter  
It’s getting better  
Keeps getting better all the time girl

They don’t know about the things we do  
They don’t know about the I love you’s  
But I bet you if they only knew (They don't know)  
They would just be jealous of us  
They don’t know about the up all nights  
They don’t know I've waited all my life  
Just to find a love that feels this right  
Baby they don’t know about, they don’t know about us

They don’t know how special you are  
They don’t know what you’ve done to my heart  
They can say anything they want  
'Cause they don’t know about us  
They don’t know what we do best  
That’s between me and you, our little secret  
But I wanna tell 'em  
I wanna tell the world that you're mine girl

They don’t know about the things we do  
They don’t know about the I love you’s  
(I love you)  
But I bet you if they only knew  
(If they only knew)  
They would just be jealous of us  
(They would just be jealous of us)  
They don’t know about the up all nights  
They don’t know I've waited all my life  
Just to find a love that feels this right  
(It feels so right)  
Baby they don’t know about, they don’t know about us  
(They don't know about us, they don't know about us)  
They don’t know about the things we do  
They don’t know about the I love you’s  
(They don't know about us)  
But I bet you if they only knew  
They would just be jealous of us  
They don’t know about the up all nights (Up all night)  
They don’t know I've waited all my life (All my life)  
Just to find a love that feels this right  
Baby they don’t know about, they don’t know about us  
They don’t know about us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that one day Louis and Harry can actually come out. Thanks for reading! <3 -Abi

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys will stay and support me on this. I'm always up for constructive criticism. -A x


End file.
